My Adoption Story – Part One: “Family”

Hi! My name is Remi and this is my adoption story.

What does family mean to an adoptee? An adoptee is someone who is adopted or legally made the son or daughter of someone other than their birth parents.  

I’m a transnational adoptee. I was adopted from Japan and grew up in Los Angeles, CA. 

Adoption affects your whole world. It affects your environment, how you’re raised, the people in your life. And for me, you can add the complexity of growing up a minority female in America. 

Every adoptee’s story is different. 

I’m sharing my adoption story to give you more insight into who I am and to share the perspective of an adult adoptee. 

Mainstream media tends to highlight the adoptive parent’s side but rarely explores the complicated adoptee or birth parent’s side. 

So you rarely hear about how it affects their worldview, personality, emotional triggers, and how they love. 

Adoption stories are complicated, and there is so much I want to share with you. To keep this streamlined, I’m breaking out my adoption story into a series of parts, each covering a different topic. 

This first part will cover what family means to me as an adoptee.  

Related Post: Why I Started Blogging

I’m not blood?

My parents both look like me. They’re both Japanese American, and they LITERALLY look like me. 

It’s like the universe made me in the form of them but accidentally put me in another person’s body. It’s crazy!

I never questioned that I was their child. I never felt the need to learn more about who my birth parents were because my parents were…my parents. 

They loved (and still love ;)) me so hard, so I didn’t think I needed or wanted anyone else in my life. I’m fortunate in that way. 

There are only two times I ever think about being adopted: 

1. When I have to leave the “family history” section blank in new patient forms at the doctor’s office
2. Family holiday parties 

The complexity of family

No one in my family is blood-related to me. I don’t know my family health history, like what diseases I’m prone to or what characteristics my future kids may inherit. 

My parents got divorced, and my mom remarried, so I’m fortunate to have three sides of the family to see during the holidays!

No one treats me differently. Family is family, and we all support, accept, and love each other unconditionally. 

To me, family members are people who choose to be in your life. 

This idea of family is a blessing and a curse because there are times where you feel like an outsider. 

That you were “accepted” and “welcomed” into the family instead of being born into it.

That you being in their life is a choice with no obligation. 

I know these thoughts are irrational. The only time I think of them is during the holidays at big family gatherings when you can see the family resemblance permeating the room. 

I wonder if other adoptees feel this way because how I feel has nothing to do with how my family treats me. I absolutely, 100000% know that they love me and that I AM FAMILY. 

Like I said in the intro, adoption is complicated. 

Chosen family

Family members are people who choose to be in your life. They’re the ones who love you unconditionally, no matter what. 

No one in my family is blood-related to me, making my close friends just as much family as my adopted family. 

As an adoptee, there’s an underlying understanding that everything is a choice. 

This allows me to cherish and love everyone who decides to be in my life even more because I know they made a conscious choice to be there. 

Family is more than DNA. It’s defined by love. 

Everything happens for a reason. 

Although there can be isolating moments, I believe that being adopted made me trust the process of life more. It helped me fully understand that everything happens for a reason. 

I was meant to be in this family, living this life. I don’t question who my family is or why they’re in my life. They’re just supposed to be. 

That’s the way the cookie crumbled, and I’m so grateful!

Family is complicated whether you’re adopted or not. I am forever grateful for my family, my life, and my parents who chose me. 

I know that I am loved, and that is my biggest blessing. 

What’s next?

This concludes the first part of the “My Adoption Story” series! I have so much more I want to share with you all.

Be on the lookout for future posts that dive deeper into identity and belonging, finding myself, guilt, moving forward, and more!

Leave a comment

All of these thoughts are mine alone. Every adoptee will have their own story, perspective, and views on family.

Are you an adoptee? Or, did this post resonate with you in some way? I’d love to hear from you! Leave a comment down below with your thoughts on this topic.  

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